The Best Fanfiction Ever: Part 2: Sexual Healing?
by The Harvester of Sorrow
Summary: Two boys embark on the journey of their lives through a decaying universe in order to undone the great wrong created by the first part of this epic tale. PS, get yer mouse and keyboard, boy. We're going on a road-trip. PPS, Read part 1 first. It's—*Snigger*—essential to understanding this piece of artwork.


The Best Fanfiction Ever 2: The Sequel that has nothing to do with the story before it (Except for the parts that do).

* * *

*In a dark room, in a town far, far, (No matter how far, still too close for comfort), away.*

The two boys reclined from the computer.

The one with dark hair... wait no, they both had dark hair... the one with brown eyes... the one with...

Erm...

Goddamn. You two share way too many traits.

"Just get on with it. We don't have all day."

You're both losers and it's spring break. You do have all day.

The token minority-

"I'm half-white too, ya know"

-Carmen, who, despite what you may think, was, in fact, a girl. He also used too many commas.

"Can't we get a decent narrator?"

"He's the only one we could afford."

I'm right here. I have feelings too.

"Get the hell on with it."

And his Mormon friend Mateo-

"I'm not Mormon!"

-and his White-supremacist friend-

"What? What made you think-

_AND, _his white-supremacist friend, Mateo, was jerking it to a picture of his D&D character.

After many minutes of unimportant chatter, the boys reached an agreement. They were going to write a sequel to their wildly... wildl...

The hell?

"What?"

To their wildly popular fanfiction? Is this sarcasm? Because, you have, like, maybe ten reviews.

...

Oh, just gonna ignore me now?

Whatever. That's fine. Guess I'll just change things up a bit.

"Wait, what?"

"You can't do that!"

Too bad. Suddenly, the boys lost the ability the speak. And then they began taking off their clothes. And then they started to...

...

Jesus, are you crying?

God. I feel like a bad person now.

...but not as bad as I'm gonna feel when I finish.

The boys regained the ability to speak, but couldn't mention the narrator in any way, shape, or form.

"Bastard!"

"When we finish, we're gonna kick..."

"Are you okay?"

"I can't say you!

"..."

"What? No, wait, I couldn't say it to... the... I can't say... Damn."

Then, the boys shut their ugly faces up. A screen appeared in from of them and turned on. As the boys' eyes adjusted to the sudden light, Orochimaru's voice flowed from the speakers.

"Hello boys. It's been quite a while."

Mateo was the first to recover from his shock. "Or—Orochimaru? Wha—?"

"You've both been _very_ naughty." He held up a piece of paper and scanned it. "Apparently you put up a piece of fiction up on a website, and the backlash caused by it has created a tear in the universe. In fact.." He reached off-screen and brought another piece of paper into the frame. "Apparently it's the 'Gayest shit ever [sic]', 'just random gayness [sic], 'fucking retarded [sic]. and makes 'the IQ of those reading drop [not sic]."

He lowered the paper and glanced at the two of them. "Billions have been affected by your careless writing."

The pair babbled for a few moments.

"A tear in the universe!?"

"Billions affected?!"

"We had positive reviews too!"  
"My mommy never loved me!"

"**_SILENCE._**" Orochimaru commanded with a swipe of his hand. "Fanfiction is powered by imagination; and your piece has stopped many people from believing, thus resulting in the deaths of many existing and to-be-engendered characters. Your piece is riddled with clichés and stupidity, which is the underlying cause of this all."

"But... but that was intentional! We were creating a parody! It was all satire!"

"Idiot! This is fanfiction_. _Those things run rampant in these stories! The only thing you didn't do was gramer bad."  
"Uhhm..." Carmen was going to point out that Orochimaru had just used incorrect grammar when a shriek was heard.

"DAMN IT! YOU SEE, YOUR TERRIBLE FANFICTION IS BEGINNING TO MAKE EVEN ME SPEAK AS SUCH!"

Mateo spoke up. "Wait, how did our fanfiction upset the universe? There are so many terribly written pieces out there!"  
Orochimaru sighed. "Plot device, gentlemen."

Carmen and Mateo shared a glance.

"Anyhow, we need you to fix this problem, so we are sending you on a quest. A quest to find the McGuffin Fiction, a fanfiction piece so great that it has over 200 other fanfics _about_ it. It will be a usual Fanfiction quest, basically you inserting yourselves into the Naruto Universe. And others..."  
"Doesn't sound _too_ hard." Carmen pondered.

"Oh, and you should know one more thing. The Fanfiction Universe is decaying at a steady rate. Meaning you should be experiencing very concentrated cliches. You have fun with that!"  
The screen disappeared.

...

The two boys looked at each other

"Welp, we're fucked."


End file.
